All posts by Billie-Jean

A Letter From the Other Side…

Here is a letter from my mom who is no longer physically here. These are the words I feel she would have shared with me, as she divinely witnessed my many experiences with death. These are also the words I would want to share with my children once I am gone. And these are the words for anyone who knows of the challenges that grief can bring.

Stay bright sweet one…it hurts, I know, but it will be okay. You may feel lost for a while, confused and even angry. Like all of us, you are here on earth for a temporary experience. It can sometimes feel like you are constantly being tested and challenged to process what you are going through. Remember though that it is happening ‘for you’ and not ‘to you.’ It is all a part of the building blocks that make the beautiful being that you are.

Stay bright sweet one…sometimes when life events shake your foundation of what you have built, you may crumble. Know, that only what is illusion can fall away, because truth is the light that always is. Sometimes we as humans fall hard, sometimes we go on a whirlwind of a spiralling downfall. Our sense of who we are is questioned when we have a piece of our identity taken away. It can be the death or loss of your mom, your dad, husband or wife, child, best friend, neighbour or pet, and the list goes on. Anyone we invest our energy in becomes a part of us and it can hurt when it gets physically and/or emotionally removed from our world. The stronger the attachment, the stronger the void, which seems completely unfair I know.

Stay bright sweet one…no matter how much it hurts you must dig down and find your strength. Don’t give up living, in fact for me please do the opposite. Every journey has a purpose to shine their light by being their true authentic expression of themselves. You don’t need a fancy title, an award, or a certificate. You don’t need a status approved by society. All I ask of you, is to keep your light within, shining bright. Speak from your heart, laugh from deep within your belly, and love from all of your being. Trust that you always know what to do and where to go. Go within to connect to your truth because this is where I will be, and so will all of those who are guiding you from the other side.

Stay bright sweet one…you are only here for a short time. Embrace the whole experience. Being human is about riding the energetic waves of all the many emotions, but don’t ever hold onto one for too long. They come and go and move with the rhythms of your life, so don’t judge this, even if you may feel crazy or like something is wrong with you. Have the courage to be the full expression of your truth. I trust that you are wise enough to take the space you need, so you do no harm to others.  Be free in every moment. It’s okay to cry one minute and laugh the next. Live out loud while you have the chance.

Stay bright sweet one…no one is flawless. We all have moments when we are not our brightest selves. Fear may create obstacles to expressing our truths. Not all of us can express the love we feel for others with words. Sometimes our actions may feel selfish and inconsiderate, but these are moments in our journey that are just a snapshot of the whole experience. It does not shape or colour the truth of your heart and soul. Being human is full of egotistic moments that need to happen in order for us to truly connect to the depth of our Soul. So, if you are ever less than your more desirable self when a loved one leaves you, it’s okay. For your light is the truth and the Soul’s connection cannot be diminished by any egotistic moment in time.

Stay bright sweet one…life may feel disappointing at times. I may have let you down by not showing up the way you needed me to in every moment. I likely won’t be the only one in your life, that at times, did not recognize their impact that their actions may have had on you.  Please don’t ever take this personally. I can promise you that in my heart, I did my very best I could in each and every moment. I too had hard lessons in this life to figure out, but they were all a part of my Soul’s plan to evolve in the way it needed to this time around. My story, my life, my experiences shaped my response-ability. I am fully accountable for my actions, even if I don’t fully understand the Soul’s contracts and agreements made in order to help each other evolve.

Stay bright sweet one…death is a peculiar thing. I felt like I did not get to choose how I emotionally grieved the news, of living beings transitioning here from earth. Regardless of my connection and level of love experienced, sometimes I felt an inner peace and understanding, and sometimes all I could do is cry and cry.  Sometimes the pain would come and go over a short period of time, and sometimes it would come and go my entire life. It did not define or measure the love I felt for that being. I trusted that not everything could be understood in my mind. That something on a much deeper level was going on that only the Soul’s connection truly understood. So, without judgement, know that how you grieve anything, or anyone is pure and good for you, regardless of the earthly connection experienced.

Stay bright sweet one…even when your relationships are hard and full of pain. Even if you experience hate and anger towards something or someone, know that sometimes we need to experience this in order to understand what it is to Love fully. This is an opportunity to heal this fragmented part of you within, so that you may feel whole and connect back to the truth. We contain the potential of everything and everyone. When we realize we are each a result of our ancestral stories, and that our conditioning and our environment all shape each and every one of us, we can have compassion for the entire human condition, if we choose. We all arrive seemingly innocent, unadulterated. Then the human journey begins and our Soul’s go through a gauntlet of beautiful and ugly experiences. Sometimes, we then can pass it on consciously or unconsciously to those around us, who then do the same to those around them. It becomes a web of very complex human expressions, making it impossible to direct the blame to one individual, or one experience.

He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey. He who blames himself is halfway there. He who blames no one has arrived ~ Chinese Proverb

…and when you feel like life is too much, or that you can’t figure things out, or you are exhausted and overwhelmed, just be still. Close your eyes, focus on your breath and feel my love. Know that I am always with you.  Whatever you are struggling to figure out, you have the answers within. It is in this quiet place, within this stillness, that you will connect to your own higher wisdom and truth. And know that when your heart is full of love and joy, I am also with you, feeling your love and your joy. I am ALWAYS with you.

You are infinite love, you are consciousness, you are light…it cannot ever be taken away from you, for this is the ultimate truth of who you are. So, please do not ever forget sweet one, stay bright!

Love Mom


Pluto Retrograde Tarot Spread

This Pluto Retrograde Tarot spread will help you to go deep within to uncover hidden truths. Be honest with yourself. 
Do you experience power in the form of empowerment? Or do you take your personal power for granted and not fully express yourself? Do you allow others to use their power to dominate or influence you? Do you overpower others so you can avoid facing your own deeper wounds? What about control…do you have a need to control others? Are you trying too hard to control your own life? Self-doubt and self-judgement is a form of control, it keeps you small, it keeps you from your true authentic expression. 
Purge the old stories that are no longer serving you. Transformation happens when you allow the destruction to happen. Enlightenment is a destructive process (quoted from Adyashanti), break down all of the conditioning that has gotten in your way of seeing the true light that you are.
Breathe, ground yourself, shuffle your cards and then place one card in each of the seven placements for your personal Pluto Retrograde Tarot reading. 

Pluto retrograde 2019 starts on April 24 at 23° Capricorn and ends on October 3 at 20° Capricorn.


Pluto Retrograde

Pluto goes Retrograde today April 24, 2019 at 23º09’ in Capricorn. 
Pluto is about your ability to transform, take a big leap forward and re-birth. With it retrograde it is a time to go deep to uncover how power and control shows up in your life. What is no longer serving you that you may be reluctant to move on from? Time for deep reflection, truth, and self-compassion. All of who you are matters, every piece of your story has its purpose to creating the light that shines from you. When you bring light to the dark, what was not seen or acknowledged can no longer hide…this is liberation. Do not fear the truth, for truth is freedom. 

Pluto retrograde 2019 starts on April 24 at 23° Capricorn and ends on October 3 at 20° Capricorn.

Pictured card: from the Astrology Reading Cards deck by Alison Chester-Lambert illustration by Richard Crookes


Connecting to Your Purpose

To begin to understand your purpose, it is important to first understand what purpose actually is. Purpose is the presence of Spirit in motion. Spirit is energy, and energy is potentiality. Knowing that you, your human self, is animated by Spirit, by source energy, you will know that you contain pure potentiality. Your search for purpose is a search to access and connect with this inner potentiality.

You may be wondering how does one do this exactly? Well, when you trust your (energetic) vibes, which are felt in the body and you allow yourself to be moved in the direction that you are feeling to go, then you are on purpose (note that this may take practice, especially if you are used to being in your head).  There is no thought involved here, for as soon your mind becomes a part of this process you have let ego in, pushing your Spirit aside. Bring Spirit back into the whole of your being, allow the light in your eyes and the smile on your face to be the main operator in the moments mission. This is your purpose.

Spirit is the fire within that moves you, it is the spark that ignites your joy, and it is what creates that charmed life you are meant to live. Have Faith in your Spirit and you will have Faith in your purpose. There will be no doubt or confusion of why you are here or what you are “supposed” to be doing. The path will be clear, for the fire in your belly will blaze the way. This is your compass, but this compass cannot see further than the present moment. It is crucial to let go of all expectations to the outcome. Those expectations can only come from the head and when this happens you have allowed ego in and pushed Spirit aside and this will take you away from your purpose.

The saying by Shakira that the hips don’t lie speaks the truth…who knew? During an interview, Shakira explained that the song’s lyrics were inspired by her ability to determine the release-readiness of a song by whether or not it motivates her to dance. She states that she used to tell her musicians, “My hips don’t lie!”

This is where the motion happens, allow your hips to move you in the direction that the heart has expressed. Your heart knows, and your hips will get you there fuelled by Spirit, fuelled by your vibes, fuelled by your purpose. The sacral chakra (located in the middle of your hips) is your energy hot spot where creativity has the potential to be generated on a mass level. This is where passion lives, where life force itself is generated. It works directly with your third eye chakra, your intuitive knowing. We are six sensory beings and when we allow this intuitive knowing, 6th chakra/third-eye, to communicate with our creative 2nd sacral chakra, we are tapping into our purpose. For those who connect to numerology the 6 + 2 = 8 and 8 represents our strength and power. It is then translated through the heart and sent to the solar plexus chakra where the fire lives. If this is getting too confusing the simplified version is to feel that pull in your gut when you are being moved by Spirit and trust your vibes. Allow Spirit to move you, feel it in your body, not in your thoughts, not in your head.

What is your purpose? Your purpose is to trust your vibes. What is sparking joy within you? Recognize what puts your fire out and what fuels it. Your purpose is to keep that fire lit, don’t let it go out, for fire is your Spirit. If Spirit has left, if the light in your eyes has gone out, then it is time to recognize your day to day choices. Start to feel how each thing you do either ignites a spark of joy or creates that sensation of dullness dimming your light.

You have a team of Spirit guides always communicating with you, but how guidable are you, how movable are you? When we operate from our head we are stiff and rigid. We become stuck in old ways of thinking and being, our conditions and limits restrict our flow. When we bring our Spirit back into ourselves we bring back the spark of life, our fire, our passion, and this allows us to be once again moved by purpose.

This purpose is not set, for it only knows what it is moment to moment. It may be the expression of being a parent with great joy, a caregiver to a struggling loved one, playing a musical instrument, applying yourself as an accountant, or a teacher. It may move you to open your heart to a stranger and be that space for them to open up. Maybe it will be a call to give yourself space to cry like never before. It may move you to give away everything you own and travel the world. As long as that fire is lit you will always be on purpose, because you will know when it is shifting to something new, something else, you will feel it and you will know it. It will tell you that you are done traveling the world and it is time to go home and start a family. It will tell you that this job is no longer serving your highest good and it is time to move in a new direction.

Albert Einstein said our logical mind is our faithful servant. I believe we do need our minds to assist us in executing our heartfelt path, but it is only there to serve and not to lead. It is when we allow our minds to take control, that we talk ourselves out of what Spirit is guiding us to do. We tend to allow our fixed beliefs and conditions to translate our ‘shoulds’ and ‘shouldn’ts’. Spirit is pushed aside and ego steps in. Ego creates a sense of fear and insecurity. Ego will never be secure for it will always fear not being in control. Not being in control puts us into the unknown, and if we don’t have Faith in Spirit to lead us through this unknown, then we stay stuck and unmovable.

Spirit is alive, it is free flowing, it is your purpose. If you want to live a purposeful life, then do what fuels that fire in your belly. Do what you are most excited about in each and every moment with no expectations to the outcome. Expect that all will turn out for the highest good of all when you are acting from your heart, but what that outcome should look like exactly, is not for you to figure out or control. Know that acting from your heart means that you will do no harm to yourself or those around you. Trust that if along the way you no longer feel the vibes of Spirit present in what you are experiencing, that Spirit will automatically re-direct you if you allow it.

Being on purpose does not have a template, it does not fit into a box, and it is not restricted. If you are “stuck” this just means that Spirit is no longer present in your moment. You have allowed the fire to go dim and you have stopped moving. There is no judgement to this place. It is just an opportunity to invite the energy of potentiality back into the moment. Each moment does not come with a pre-set interpretation, it is neutral by nature and it is what you choose to infuse it with that will create the experience. If you infuse the moment with Spirit, then you will be moved instantly. Spirit does not sit still or get stuck.

If you feel like you need help getting Spirit back on bored, move your body and increase your vibrations so that you can hear and feel those vibes. Dance, exercise, sing, BREATHE deeply, speak your truth! All of these things generate life force within the body that you have chosen to animate. If you want to live a purposeful life, limit the activities that keep you in your head, that keep you distracted from feeling your truth, and stop you from moving.

Let go of blaming the world outside of you. Its only job is to re-direct you back into yourself to feel what is going on. These feelings when trusted become the guideposts to navigating your way. They are energetic bumpers that keep you on track. Acknowledge these people and experiences for the beautiful gifts of awareness to what you feel within and thank them with sincere gratitude.

When it truly comes down to understanding your purpose, know that this is not something you are supposed to be “doing” but instead it is about a way of “being.”  When you connect to being in the moment that is powered by Spirit, and you are trusting the vibes to guide you, then you are on purpose. Purpose is a frequency of infinite potentiality. It is expressed through life force itself, which is you. This is who you are, you ARE purpose…just BE you.Facebookpinterestinstagram

The Evolution of My Zumba

I was inspired to start a new health regime which is very normal for me. A forty-day boot camp was being offered at my daughter’s work, so I hopped on board. It was wonderful because it included unlimited access to other local fitness places. I did my usual extreme approach by creating a full-on schedule and daily lifestyle program for the forty days. One of my commitments was Zumba three days a week at the Chair Tease Dance studio.

Completely clueless on what to expect, I showed up for my first class. The owner and instructor Natalie showed me around. She asked if I’ve done Zumba before, and I said yes, but long time ago. She then said well we do it a little differently here, we are a little more aggressive in our approach. And here I was wondering if I’d get much of a workout at a Zumba class? Little did I know what I was in for. If I was paying more attention (just looking at their logo alone would have been a clue) I would have realized I was about to participate in a seductive class at a chair tease dance studio.

Naive and ready, I stood in my spot waiting for the class to start. The large room is dimly lit with small white lights strung along the ceiling. Mirrors were along the wall like most exercise studios. The instructor and her smiling face steps up front, the loud club like music comes on, and the fun begins!

I’m not sure what completely happened in that first class, I went into a mild shell shock once we started moving. I never felt so awkward in my life (okay that’s not true, but almost). I am not a clubber, dancer, partier, or socialite. I’ve spent the last 25 years of my life happily focused on my family and home. It’s not in my nature to just let loose in public, I have the planet Saturn in my first house and a twelfth house Moon in my natal chart.

So, the twerking, body rolling, shoulder shimming, and dropping it to the ground all begins. I kind of wanted to run out of class, but decided it was okay for me to be awkward, it being my first class and all. When all was said and done I headed home. With pancake eyes and delirious enthusiasm, I repeatedly told my story to each family member about my first day at Zumba. Being pretty much ripped out of my comfort zone I had no choice but to feel exhilarated.

My son asked me if I really planned on going back the next day. My OCD said I had to because it was in my schedule and a part of my commitment. Thankfully the second class was a tiny bit less awkward. A few more classes later and I stepped into the “I got this!” zone. I was beginning to do the moves at the right time and closer to the right way. I realized how stiff I had become over my adult years.

The part that I personally loved about this class was it gave me permission to dance and move in a way that didn’t rely on my own skills or imagination. I could follow the instructor which pleased my personal need for structure, yet I got to explore a kind of body freedom that I had unconsciously suppressed over the years. It was a safe way for me to liberate my spirit in motion through my physical form.

Slowly I began to relax enough that I could allow myself to swivel more freely without looking like it was my first day in a new body. I took on the challenge to get better at the class, to remember to have fun, and oh yeah get a great workout while doing so. I think I forgot to mention how intense the actual workout was, because it was the least of my focus, but according to my Fitbit it got my heart rate up to the peak zone and brought me over 6000 steps in one class!

The journey doesn’t end there though. Once I became comfortable enough to be fully participating, something else happened. I started looking a little closer at the image in the mirror that was doing all these crazy moves. I saw someone who became way too comfortable with being comfortable. I was wearing my super used and stretched out Hot Yoga shorts that went just past my knees, ugly old cream coloured indoor runners, and a baggy t-shirt from a flooring store (which sadly is a part of my everyday wardrobe). Here I was doing all of these sexy moves realizing how my frumpy look was not helping me participate in this new image I was trying to embrace. I know, I know…feeling and being sexy comes from the inside out, but since I had to take on the “fake-it until you make-it” approach I desperately needed to do something about this.

Luckily for me my birthday was around the corner. I was given money from my family so that I could go on a shopping spree. I used it to buy clothes I would feel more comfortable in while doing my Zumba. And even though they are far from anything sexy, they are more form fitting and much cuter than what I was wearing. It was a step in the right direction for me, even if it was just a baby one.

I had no idea that showing up to a Zumba class at the Chair Tease Dance studio was going to contribute to my Souls evolution. I am someone who is always learning and growing. I have studied many topics, been certified in many different areas, and take on consciously participating on this journey seriously. Even though I do Bikram Yoga and love to meditate, this kind of class seemed to have awoken a different kind of spiritual connection to my body. It supports my recent adventure of needing to live out loud and to remain pure without care or worry. I believe that moving energy and moving our bodies, is crucial to raising our vibration. It helps us live lighter and more connected to this experience in a holistic way.

Natalie’s Zumba class has liberated my beliefs on how I’m supposed to use my body. I’ve shed about 9 pounds since starting and have shed some inhibitions that I’ve been carrying around for far too long. Every day is an opportunity to grow and evolve, you just need to put yourself out there, out of your comfort zone, and into new places. Showing up for a Zumba class was another one of life’s moments that invoked my presence and awareness.

My call to action was to get out of my over analytical mind and just be in my body. I was pulled to stop attending at one point because of all of the things my mind told me I wasn’t. Not to mention the anxiety to make sure I got there early enough to be in the back row, but then being stuck longer in the large social group situation while waiting for class to start, which I’d rather avoid. But being in the back row wins over avoiding sitting awkwardly waiting for class to begin (I’m much more of a small group or one on one kind of socializer).

I have now let go of all my busyness and fuss around this crazy new Zumba thing I’m doing. No longer do I need to tell everyone I come across about what I’m doing in class that I never thought I’d be doing [insert awkward demonstration here]. I can now just focus on doing this for me and will continue to remind myself to let go of everything else around it.

I’ve accepted that my Mars in Libra loves to dance for exercise and also love that this class does not require any prior pep talk. There are no “I should go exercise” speeches in my mind because I actually want to go. I am getting more fit in the process, which was my goal all along when I first put it in my workout schedule. I guess I just needed a little evolutionary detour through the world of Zumba to recognize that this aligns to my truth, and yes exercise can be fun!Facebookpinterestinstagram

Mercury Retrograde – Stop, Look, and Listen Baby!

e91b90_d38ebb69cfc144848869c68ef5cbb59b-mv2I love when Mercury goes retrograde, and after reading this article, you just might too!

Everyday more people are hearing about “Mercury Retrograde.” The common message is to fear this time, to not make major decisions, or sign any contracts. That is asking a lot since it happens 3 to 4 times a year and for 3 to 4 weeks at a time.

Humans are constantly on the move. We seem to be hard-wired in many parts of the world to always be busy to feel productive. Mercury is the planet that rules communication, short trips, details, clear thinking, and our immediate environment. It generally moves fast and pulls us along through the busy moments of everyday life.

Imagine if you decided to take a road trip, but you drove straight to your destination without stopping. You’d likely be exhausted if the distance was far enough, and it would not be very exciting. The idea of a road trip is to sight see along the way, to explore and connect with the surroundings you find yourself in, to slow down, and then to get going again.

If we recognize our life as one big trip or journey, we would not fare very well if we did not stop from time to time to take inventory, clean up unfinished business, and reflect on where we may need to go next.

This is the gift of Mercury retrograde. If we are going full speed ahead during this time period, we are going to crash!  Mistakes will be made, obstacles will surface, things will fall apart. We are not meant to be going gung-ho during this time. Mercury retrograde is telling us that it is not a time to start new things or projects. It is not a time of new outward expression either. Now is the time to re-connect, re-do, re-think, or re-anything that you have been a part of already.

Go within’. Reflect. Take care of un-finished business. All those exciting adventures you started that you never got around to finishing, well now is the time when the Universe will support you to complete them. We operate much smoother in life when we are not surrounded by clutter, whether it be mental, physical, or spiritual. I love that the Universe has created these pockets of time when we are not expected to go, go, go!

Does this mean hold off on any important decisions, contracts, or trips during this time? No, it does not. What is actually happening during this optical illusion of Mercury going backwards is that Mercury is just closer to the earth now. This means on an energetic level we feel the power of Mercury and all that it influences, much more intensely. Our minds become busier, we trip up on little things throughout our day (including our words), and can be overwhelmed by the amped up volume of Mercury so close to us. This is especially true if we are trying to jam more and more into our life during this time.

Those who report on how negatively they are affected during the time of the retrograde, are likely the ones who still continue to push forward at full speed, trying to do things the way they did when Mercury was less potent. As we move forward on Earth and Mercury appears to be going backward, as we pass it, everything contained in Mercury’s energy moves behind us, ultimately tripping us up. So, when you fall flat on your face, you can shake your head, dust yourself off, and slow down.

This is the reason we are told IF you need to travel, purchase something new, or do a speaking presentation during this time, pay extra attention. Read contracts thoroughly, take the time to be extra prepared and organized. Know that other people will still be going ninety and you will need to be prepared for their stumbles and mistakes. Kind of like defensive driving, you need to be fully aware of your environment to avoid any kind of collision.

The planets have such a beautiful system and message for us.  It is important that we re-connect to these cycles so that we may allow our journey to unfold in a much more natural process. When we are out of sync with nature, the planets and the rhythm of life, it becomes very stressful and hard to manage.  All planets go retrograde at some point or another. Every planet represents a different urge and motivation along our journey, so when it goes retrograde we get the opportunity to connect on a much deeper, intimate level with that part of ourselves. It really is a brilliant system.

For those more advanced when it comes to astrology, know that some Mercury retrogrades will be felt more than others. See where in your birth chart that the retrograde transit will be happening. Look for any hard aspects. Figure out just which area of life (which house) you need to be spending some quality time in. Sort out what is no longer needed in this area, pay closer attention to these specific details, and complete any unfinished business here.

Another thing that can happen is some people operate smoother during the retrogrades. It is quite likely they were born with Mercury retrograde in their birth chart. This is a familiar speed that resonates with their natural disposition. It may also be easier for those whom are just more “chill” on all levels?

Regardless of the upheaval that the retrograde does or does not give you, accept the subtle hint that the Universe is reminding us of. If we remain on one constant forward speed, our engines will eventually burn out. So, gear down, stop, and become fully present. Take inventory of your life, de-clutter, organize, and complete unfinished business. The last thing you want is a slap in the face from Mercury as it goes on by.

Mercury retrograde is telling you to Stop, Look, and Listen baby, ‘cos that’s its philosophy…and that’s alright by me!


March 22 – April 15, 2018 In the fire-sign of Aries

July 25 – August 18, 2018 In the fire-sign of Leo

November 16 – December 06, 2018 From the fire-sign of Sagittarius to the water-sign of ScorpioFacebookpinterestinstagram

Cosmic Whispers

Cosmic Whispers

One day as I was driving home from a mini road trip when I heard a soft whisper sweep across my mind.  It asked, “are you willing?”  “Willing to do what?” I answered.

At that moment my life passed before me.  I saw all of my triumphs that my willpower had allowed me to accomplish.  I saw the lifelong struggle of changing my conditioning of yo-yo dieting and trying to figure out the best formula for an optimal “me.”  I realized that many times my Willpower faded at one point or another, always bringing me back to where I started, or worse, even further behind. I then realized there was a difference between Willpower and Willingness.  Willpower was dependent on outside circumstances and where I was in my life.  It always seemed to have a limited lifespan.  I was tricked into believing it was powerful, because it always returned and got me going strong.

I felt this Cosmic whisper permeate through all of my being “Am I Willing?” Knowing personally from years of programs and multiple adventures, I knew I needed to make a plan and find clarity to what it was I wanted to accomplish. My current and old time familiar resolution to become fit and healthy was at the top of my list.  I sat down with at very detailed plan of action to eat better, move more, and take this all to the next level.

I felt I for sure had it this time, with my new tool in my tool belt “Am I willing?”  I realized that when we choose to not do something, we are simply not willing.  I would love to be an amazing guitar player, but the facts are I am not willing to apply the discipline required to accomplish this.  I can talk all day long about wanting to be healthy, but when the easy part of running off adrenaline and enthusiasm wears off, am I willing to still do what it takes to see the results I wish to accomplish?  Will power is a great starting tool, it pushes us into change and gets us through the initial hurtles, but as I said before its life is temporary.

My favourite time was about to arrive, the start of a new month, on a Monday! My goals were clear, and I was set.  My drive shot me through the gates as usual, I was determined and clear that I was more than ready to see if I was actually “Willing.” I started my usual raw food cleanse, returned to Hot Yoga after a six- month hiatus, and took walks when the opportunity presented itself.  Whenever I felt less than motivated I would ask myself “are you willing to do what you need to in order to see the results you wish to see?”

Being in my early forties, I was seeing that I have fallen into a more complacent way of doing things, in some areas of my life.  I liked the feeling of being comfortable more than pushing myself to being uncomfortable.  I slowly began to realize that the answer was “no…I am not willing.”  Amused by my lack of willingness I wanted to explore this some more.  My favourite way to do this is through reflective conversations with my dear partner of many years.  I was wondering why I was no longer willing to do what I feel like I need to do.  Was I too old, am I just too lazy, have I given up? My partner then asked me, “who are you?”  I said, “I am that I am” I know this.  “Right” he said, “now who are you identifying with, who is it that is not willing?”

I realized then that it was my ego that did not want to give up center stage.  My ego has had the main role in this part of my life for as long as I can remember. The truth of who I actually am is always willing to do what is in my best interest. It knows I need to move my body, and feed it well.  Because I was allowing my ego to do my driving once my willpower ran out, and it was now up to the truth of my being, my ego shoved it aside and created a familiar choice of old behaviour.  Ego will always be present, but I learned that I was falsely identifying that as my truth, and I was following it down the path of not willing. After all what kind of drama is created when we just forge ahead doing what we need to do?  The simple truth is much too boring for the ego.

Now shaking off the alignment with ego is another story, but I was grateful to have the clarity to why I wasn’t always willing.  I got six days into my raw cleanse and exercising, when I started to slip back into my less than desirable choices.  It was apparent that I wasn’t willing to do what it takes to achieve my lifetime goals of finding a healthy balanced lifestyle.

The Cosmic whisper that I chose to ignore, saw this.  The message returned, but it was not a whisper, it was a very stern loud voice.

I was lying in bed with a very uncomfortable ache on my right side.  The pain gradually increased to the point of not being able to handle it.  I went to the couch, tossed and turned with tears in my eyes.  I am not one to run the hospital, but this was not normal.  Two hours later I went to the emergency room.  After three doses of morphine I was still in pain, but did not want anymore drugs. The pain eventually decreased, I got some rest and eventually felt okay.

I went for an ultra sound the next day, and I had three doctors scratching their heads.  They could not understand why I was not in excruciating pain.  They asked if I had a high pain tolerance? Apparently I have gallstones and my gallbladder is very inflamed.  They wanted to admit me immediately to remove my gallbladder.  I asked my usual million questions and then asked to go home. I kept in mind all that they shared and then I did my own research.  I chose not to remove a part of my digestive system at this time.

I now had to accept the truth of the changes I had to make.  The Cosmic message that was much louder was again asking “ARE YOU WILLING NOW?”  I was being asked to find that healthy lifestyle, which does not include yo-yo dieting.  My extreme healthy eating with very low fat, to my more indulgent high fat lifestyle was doing me no favour.  I had to accept that I needed to eat more, with more of a healthy variety of foods, and a lot more overall balance.

Not wanting to experience the pain I felt last week, or to be told you should have removed your gallbladder, I have humbly had to re-vamp my whole approach to what living healthy looks like.  I have explored this topic nine ways to Sunday, but the simple truth that was not dramatic enough for my ego, was what the “I am that I am” knew all along.  “Am I willing now?”  “Yes…I am.”

I know from life experience that at first the Universe whispers, it then speaks a little louder if I act as though I did not hear it, and eventually it shouts.  If I decide to no longer be willing to do what I need to, in order to live a healthy life for the remainder of my journey here, then the next wake up call could be a lot worse.  I do not wish to hear the Cosmos shout at me.

We receive messages all of the time of what needs to be done in our lives, whether it is following our passion, creating change, reaching out to a loved one, or whatever else is relevant to our spiritual path.  Each turn of events provokes the Cosmos to nudge us with the ever imminent question of “Are You Willing, Now?”Facebookpinterestinstagram

Only Emotions Can Be Manipulated

Truth cannot be manipulated, only emotions. When we come from an emotional place we have disconnected from the truth, for the truth just is. The truth is not good, nor bad, it is a neutral place of oneness. There is no room for manipulation or any sort of outside influence. The more we allow ourselves to be manipulated, the further we are taken from the truth. Each and every time we seek answers outside of ourselves we step that much further from the centre of the Universe (where the truth resides) which is at the core of our being.

We are always connected to the truth, but we have been conditioned to forget this, due to the mass manipulation around every corner of our daily existence. All forms of media whether it is online, TV, radio, news broadcasts, movies and so on, have one purpose, and one purpose only and that is to evoke some sort of emotion. Whether we are being imprinted with fear, doubt, sadness, joy, elation, or anger, it is the experience of our emotions that are being brought to the surface. This also happens with day-to-day conversations with others as well. As children we learn how to use our emotional reactions to get what we want from the adults in our life. Often we take this mastered skill through the rest of our journey.

I believe that emotions can be messages from our soul, but this is when they are organic and happen from the inside out. When we experience our authentic emotions they are our souls way of communicating with us in order to guide us back to the truth. It is just a sign that we have deviated from what is. Organic emotions are important to our human experience. They bring us the lessons our soul has come here to get. It is important not to neglect or suppress these feelings when they arise in us. Accept them and the message that is being brought forward. Give them the space to be so that when the time is right, they may truly move on and you can then connect back to the truth of the moment.

For example, let’s say your best friend whom you’ve shared many, many important experiences with over the years has decided to move to another country. This will definitely trigger some deep heart felt emotions. These emotions are coming from an organic, personalized place that is meant for you to experience. It may trigger a whole bouquet of emotions, but each emotion will be a gift to learn something about your direct human experience and what it means to you. If you are fortunate you will eventually come around to the truth of the spiritual lesson and the emotional states will fall away. From then on, when you think of your friend, your heart will be filled with the knowing and truth of your connection, and there will be no space for emotional interpretation. Not everyone will feel comfortable in this place, because for most it is foreign. This is when the emotional state might return, to comfort our ego’s familiar territory.

The manipulation of our emotions is a whole other story. It may be coming from media, friends, family, or work. Information is projected outward with the intention of creating a reaction. This is sometimes done on a sub conscious level and sometimes on a conscious level. Once our emotions are evoked we then lose touch with the centre of our truth. We become vulnerable to being manipulated. The more we are manipulated the further from our truth we become. The further from our truth we become, the less authentic power we are connected to. If we get use to being influenced by outward energies we may not even recognize who we truly are anymore or the immensity of our potential.

Emotional manipulation has turned into a game of survival. It has created fear and suffering. It puts us in the position of needing to circulate our own form of protection through our own emotional stories. The layers of drama and attachment to what we think are our own beliefs start to make up the threads of our identification. Before we know it, there is no longer awareness that we have become separated from our core being.

News and media manipulate the mass all the time. Good emotions or negative emotions put us in a vulnerable place, and then we become disconnected from truth. We now can be manipulated. It is a lot easier to take control of those who have allowed themselves to be weakened with fear and are no longer in touch with the inner strength they naturally possess.

In the game of emotional manipulation that we all seem to love to play, we are always looking to evoke an emotional response from another. In each moment we accept the role of the buyer or the sales person, the giver or the taker. Maybe it is time to ask ourselves what emotions are we trying to sell to others, or what emotional states are we choosing to buy and own?  Are they being influenced by society and what the controllers of the mass are trying to sell?

If you are not sure when you are being sold someone else’s emotional package, just observe your day-to-day conversations or activities. Do you feel drained when talking to certain people? Are you wrapped up in other people’s stories that have nothing to do with your present moment? Do you react to information shared before you can digest the magnitude of the whole picture? If you are not able to receive information from a neutral place, then you have jumped onto the drama bandwagon.

How can we tune into our organic state of being, the state where we stop and listen to our souls message from within? Well first, stop and connect to your breath. This is where the Universal truth can be heard. This is where our deep souls evolution will know exactly what it needs to feel and how to be. It is time that we stop relying on the world outside of ourselves to influence or manipulate our personal well-being.

As long as we are alive we will have the activities of the world trying to influence us, this is unavoidable. What I am suggesting is that you don’t hand over your power to the worlds mastered skills of manipulation. Take time for silence.  Breathe. Connect to that place of truth and knowing, this is only found at the center of your being. Operate from that place each and everyday. If emotions get activated from this place, then know that they are truly yours, a message from your soul. You are being called to look at these emotions closer so that you may learn from them and ultimately navigate yourself back to the truth.

External emotional manipulation is all around us. The degrees of intensity ranges from super small and subtle all the way to intensely affecting the whole mass. Once we become aware that only emotions can be manipulated, and how toxic this can be if it is not a natural part of our program, then we can ask ourselves what will provide us with immunity from this invasive act?

Only one thing will provide us with immunity from outside emotional manipulation, and that is TRUTH. Where can we find this truth?  It can only be located in one place and that is within. Not in our minds and thoughts, but in the center of our being. That quiet place of knowing and accepting that can be found when we silence all the non-sense. If you have lost touch with this place within you, maybe it is time to just breathe, and tune in to the eternal place of home.



feature-faith-crisis_520In this world of constant change

Feelings may surface that seem strange

When all good people stop and wonder

Just what spell we’ve all been under

The time to question what we feel

Beginning to understand a faith that’s real

Now things outside no longer matter

The deafening of external chatter

Searching inside for a place that’s safe

And in our search we find our faith

Though nothing easy of which to speak

Into ourselves we are allowed to peak

Among our thoughts are hidden answers

Skirting us like tiny dancers

When we relax and catch the flow

The tiny dancers begin to show

Our peace of mind begins to rust

When in ourselves we no longer trust

At myself I’ll cast no stone

Internal faith is my path home

                                                                                    – Raven Magik